Bad advice

I stopped by my old haunting ground today, the bar where I spent way too many hours and days during 2008. I'm friends with the bartender and some of the regulars and had plans in the area, so I stopped by to talk for a while first.

There's one guy there who probably drinks more than I used to. He's a nice guy, probably too loud for his own good. And always has an opinion. Whenever I stop in there (maybe 4 times since leaving rehab), he tries to tell me tat he doesn't think I had a bad problem, I wasn't that bad a drinker. Now, he was pretty drunk when he said this today but...

People have to realize that is the most dangerous thing you can say to a recovering alcoholic. An alcoholic is looking for ANY reason or justification to be able to drink again. Doesn't matter if it's your best friend or just someone you happen to know, if someone says you could probably drink, that idea grabs hold and works its way through your head. Alcoholism is, as they say, cunning, baffling, powerful, insidious. It is just looking for a weak spot and it is completely reckless and inappropriate for someone else to provide it.

Now, I've said in the past I sometimes apppreciate times like these, challenges like these. It keeps me on my toes and makes me remember my Step 1 work. That's still true. But when they push it, trying to convince me...then I get pissed off.

The interesting thing is that these comments typically come from people who have drinking problems themselves. Making me believe I can drink makes them feel better about their own drinking. If I can't (or won't) stay sober, then they feel bette that they won't. So I take it with a grain of salt and usuallly just brush it off.

But sometimes, after all the work I've done, I just want to tell these people too shut the fuck up for talking about something they know absolutely nothing about. This should be viewed as any disease. Other people just don't know. And I wouldn't expect them to.

I think I need to start being less polite and telling them what I really think when they spew this crap.

Best,
B

Six Months

Not much to report on...but today marks six months without a drink. Crazy.

There is a girl I see at meetings all the time. Every time I see her, she says her day count is 4 days, 12 days, 1 day, etc. Just proves as good as six months sounds, everyone is just one drink away from starting over again.

B. Out.

Dinner for how many?

Been having stupid self-esteem issues lately. Nothing catastrophic, just silly stuff. For instance, been doing lots of work on my apartment. Trying to set it up to accommodate several guests at once. I've got a nice sitting area, big couch, trying to pick up one more chair to fill it out. Thing is, I can't remember the last time I had more than one person at my apartment (any apartment) at one time. Would love to have a few people over for dinner, an evening here. But then I start thinking is my apartment somewhere that my friends would want to hang you since I don't drink? That shouldn't be a big deal and I really don't mind at all if people drink here - they can do whatever they like. But I think it's hard for people to believe me when I say that. And either way, the thing probably looms over the evening anyway. Or maybe I'm crazy and they don't give a shit.

I'm not even sure what group of 3 or more people I would have over here. I've ha one person come over. I've had 2 people, a couple. And I could do that again but don't want to be person #3 every freaking time.

Gets frustrating that the place looks so great and is the most inviting place I've had in years and I just can't think of who to invite over.

Glad I wrote this down, because now that's it's on "paper", it sounds really stupid and I'm not as bothered anymore.

B